If you’re a little shy, like me, you will find being in a strange place with heaps of strangers daunting. Luckily for you, O-week is exactly that! I know it sounds bad, but don’t worry, because everyone feels the exact same way. O-week is a great opportunity to get to know your campus as well as your classmates, making them both a little less foreign.

For those who are naturally conversational and confident, this post is not for you. The rest may ask: ‘But how do you even start a conversation with a complete stranger without sounding weird?!’ 

Well, I’m about to tell you how to approach a conversation and break the ice of awkwardness when talking to someone new. It’s all about asking genuine and good questions.

 

Before we begin

Before you even approach a person, you have to think about your intentions. If you’re talking to someone solely for the purpose of not looking like you’re alone, then you’re doing it wrong. Everyone needs genuine friendships but this can only come from genuine interest. You don’t have to be friends with everyone you talk to, but if you’re not interested in learning about someone else, there’s no point talking to them.

Start small

Most people will feel intimidated approaching a gang of people who already seem to be friends. If you’re shy and scared, it’s probably good to try talking to someone or some people who are in a small group or alone. If you’re in the right situation you can just start by asking if you can sit next to/with them.

Just do it!

Most people agree that the hardest part of this whole thing is getting the conversation started. It’s always tricky to say the first few words and get it going. It all starts with asking for their name or introducing yourself. I like to ask their name first because I think it helps to show you’re interested in them, not just yourself.

‘Mandatory’ small talk

You don’t want to make a friend feel uncomfortable so I wouldn’t ask any probing questions as your first. It can be tiring and boring to make small talk but it’s kinda necessary. Small talk helps you to learn basic information about the person and help you understand where they’re coming from.

Dig deeper

There are ways to get to know someone better and on ‘the next level’ without asking questions like ‘what do you think happens after we die?’. I think there are a few topics which can start as small talk but lead to more meaningful conversations. Here are some:

  1. Family: family is always a good one because it can easily start off as a small-talk topic. Asking follow-up questions like ‘do you get along with them?’, ‘are you similar?’ or something like that. You can then start to learn about their relationships.
  2. Uni: A classic question is ‘what are you studying?’ and this can be quite a boring one to ask/answer but one of my go-to’s is then asking why they chose to study this. You could even ask about what else they considered. You can then start to learn about their passions and dreams.
  3. How are you feeling?: You can always ask a person how they’re feeling about something, without being ‘too deep’. For example, it’s easy to ask how someone is feeling about starting university, the subject you’re studying or whatever applies to the situation.

Second Date

The last step of a conversation and making a new friend is the follow-up! If you think you’ll get along well with this person etc. it’s important to have an opportunity to maintain that connection. Maybe ask if they have Facebook or if they’re doing anything after class.

Fear of failure

One of the biggest obstacles in making new friends is the fear of rejection. You’re scared to say the wrong thing or have other people think badly of you. It’s important to remember that we are all human, all make mistakes and all struggle with similar things. If someone does reject you and is rude, well you probably don’t want to be their friend anyway. There are plenty of other people around so don’t give up!

Practice makes pudding

The more and more you practise having conversations with people, the more naturally it will come to you. Once you get over the initial fear of approaching someone, you can really start to enjoy learning about different people from all different walks of life.


 

The main thing you’ll want to have nailed down when starting conversations and making new friends is your attitude! If you take the perspective that you’re talking to this person to get to know them- not just for the sake of talking- you’ll find making friends a lot easier. Don’t you appreciate it when someone takes a genuine interest in you and your life? It’s all about being that person!

I hope that this post has helped you think about starting conversations and making friends in a new way! I know it can be hard to take the first steps but you can do it! I’m wishing you all the best for O-week and beyond!